| On the oral tradition |
[Jun. 29th, 2009|02:40 pm] |
So...
Dad is still WAAY ahead on the who-is-stupider competition with Mom. Among other nonsense, he frequently just starts giggling like an idiot man-child when I answer the most BASIC of questions. To wit:
Dad: Allistair, did you see cousin Noah today?
Me: Yah
Dad: What did he say?
Me: He say... about his balls.
Dad: [endless giggling and stupid behavior]
In other news, GAMMA-K is here! I know that sounds like either a super-hero or a super-villain, but she's actually my grandmother, apparently. She's very easy to out-run. |
|
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| The downward spiral |
[Mar. 24th, 2009|10:38 am] |
I have perceived another pattern of decreasing desireability: My caretakers!
At first it was mostly mom, and a little bit of dad, with the very occasional dash of grandparents.
Then "day care" was introduced. The first step downward! The thin end of the wedge! The canary in the coal mine! The proverbial snowball in July! ... Well, that last one doesn't really apply, but still. Yeah.
Yesterday we reached what I could only hope is the BOTTOM when THIS CHICK picked me up. I mean, come ON. What's next? Phyllis Diller?
She was actually pretty nice though. For a non-mom person. |
|
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| Fashion Design! |
[Mar. 23rd, 2009|10:21 am] |
OMG I have discovered the best thing ever! Fashion design!! All it takes is a scissors! Yesterday I crafted a stunning ventilation effect to my shirt. The roughly one-half-inch cuts (or "louvres", as I call them) add not only a hyper-oxygenating effect on my tummy, but also suggest a subtle amalgam of post-societal-breakdown casualness with the essential hint of survivalism.
Try it! All it takes is a scissors! (tm) |
|
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| Lapin slappin |
[Mar. 13th, 2009|11:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Totally fun | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Peter Gabriel - Security | ] |
This talking thing is pretty useful. You don't even really have to do it right! Tonight, while I was running around naked like a rabbit, my dad said "I see a bunny-boy!". (I know, right?) I was able to correct him without having to worry about saying it exactly right by just saying "Stop it. I a baby" |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 3rd, 2009|04:20 pm] |
There's a new movie I watch called "Cars". It's enjoyable, although not as enjoyable as Wall-E. Anyway, there is a HUGE TRAIN in the movie which ALMOST HITS THE PROTAGONIST! (er, protagonist car) This is extremely upsetting to me!
How it is that everyone can watch all those horrible things happening without getting upset is beyond me to understand. |
|
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| Priorities |
[Jan. 8th, 2009|07:11 pm] |
Ok, I need to check my perceptions here. Help me out. Let's take a survey:
Which of the following two things is more important:
WALL-E
STAR TREK, THE ORIGINAL SERIES
I know, right?!?! Mom and Dad keep (get this) they keep (no, really, you won't believe this...) ok, they TURN OFF WALL-E... (I know!) in order to watch Star Trek:TOS instead! It was bad enough when they were turning off Dumbo for Star Trek: Enterprise, but THIS!
Another sign that this world is but a trial. |
|
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| Presents: Threat or Menace? |
[Dec. 25th, 2008|07:04 pm] |
Ok, there's this thing called "Presents". I'm trying to get my head around it... let me try to explain:
Everyone is putting things in boxes, wrapping them in silly paper and giving them to me... Then I rip open the paper, make someone open the box for me, and I get to keep what's inside, even if it's just socks! Pretty sweet, huh!
I like this new development. I've been averaging a few presents a day, so I figure I'll get at least one every day of my life from now on!
Maybe things are looking up!
.
.
.
ADDENDUM: No, things are NOT looking up, and after getting me used to presents, now there are none. NONE! |
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| Fire! |
[Dec. 17th, 2008|03:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Unimpressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 'TEAM ENGINE! | ] |
Last night dad built a "fire" in the livingroom. Both he and mom spoke as though it was going to be this great wonderful thing, but...
1. Smoke in eyes: Do not want
2. They wouldn't let me touch ANY of it! Not even the glowy parts.
3. It was too hot.
4. The whole house smelled of smoke for hours afterwards. WTF?
5. There was a fine rain of ash in the livingroom all evening, and now there is a fine layer of ash all over everything.
Gee, I "can't" "wait" until the next "fire". |
|
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| Lame |
[Nov. 2nd, 2008|06:48 pm] |
Why does everyone think it's so hysterically-damned funny when I climb up on the ladder and say "I'm high, I'm high!" What the hey?
People are dumb. |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2008|01:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Day care | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Skeptical | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
Dad is gone a lot. Days at a time. What a doofus. |
|
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| Yes, I can haz the knowing |
[Sep. 3rd, 2008|11:53 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Day care | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  smug | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
To answer all your lame questions, YES... I CAN write my own posts complete with HTML tags and stuff.
I'm just that good. |
|
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| The givers of Pain and Delight |
[Jul. 31st, 2008|10:48 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Day care | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Traumatized | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
There is a place called the Zoo. It is designed to traumatize me.
So we went to the zoo. Not the normal zoo, some other zoo far away in "Oakland" or something. For a while, it was great. I saw a real live elephant for the first time, and I guess I did get to ride on one car for like, A MINUTE... But what about ALL THE OTHER RIDES?!?!?1!?
There were these awesome sweet big cars that kids could drive, and after showing them to me for a few minutes, Dad decides I CAN'T ride them! WTF!?!? Something about not being accompanied by a parent or some such nonsense. They tried to take me on a stupid carousel instead. Don't they know that carousels are for BABIES!?! I mean, babies younger than me.
Also, every time we just get started riding around on something, I HAVE TO GET OFF! We get on the train, and 4 minutes later, OFF! ALL DONE! BABY ALL DONE! I get on the littler, lamer cars, and after 4 minutes, OFF! ALL DONE! BABY ALL DONE! It's ridiculous, and I think they're doing it to torture me. I cried a more concentrated burst of pure crying-power during that fiasco than at any other time since Mom took away the broken glass I wanted to eat.
Feh. |
|
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| Collision detection |
[Jul. 2nd, 2008|02:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Day care | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
As if having to sleep OUTSIDE mom every day isn't bad enough...
One of the many deplorable aspects of the so-called "WORLD" is that if your body collides with anything else, it TOTALLY HURTS! WTF?!??!1one?:"! I'm running around and BAM!! Ow! My head! I'm climbing up over the couch and OH NOZ! I FALL DOWN GO BOOM MY BUTT HURTS!!
This is SERIOUSLY not right. Things should be soft, and gravity should give me a break.
In the last two weeks I've had three or four bumps on my face and three on my head. What kind of a world IS THIS anyway?!?
This sucks. I'm going to learn how to climb up onto the roof. Then nothing bad can happen! |
|
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| Perverse Fun |
[Jun. 24th, 2008|04:19 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Day Care | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  fun | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
Ha! Today mom let me make a mess OUTSIDE my diaper! What fun! She got this little red chair, and I sat on it with no pants on and totally peed in it! LOLOLOL! I can't believe she stopped being uptight long enough to have some basic FUN with me! Well, I'm sure it'll be back to peeing in the diaper soon enough.
In other news, THIS is me escaping from the "playpen" at gramma's house. HA! I know a restrictive cage when I see one. I won't fall for that again. |
|
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| Word to your Mother |
[Jun. 10th, 2008|10:01 pm] |
It's all about the words. Now that I'm two, I've begun to move on to advanced parent-manipulation. This is a two-part project. First I am putting far more discipline and effort into my crying. What before was a semi-involuntary wail is now a forcefully-focused tool of coercion! I've been able to remember what I am crying about for minutes on end recently, so I'm getting some very good, if unpredictable results. Second, WORDS! I am able to string three words together in a row now for unparalleled communication power! Abstractions, conditionals, reciprocal possession... I can do anything! Results also unpredictable, though. >:(
Mom and Dad are stupidly impressed when I say "Fishy eat bubble". I mean, it's no big deal. There's a fish. There are bubbles in its mouth. Duh!
As I suspected last time I wrote, we have indeed taken over a whole new home. I haven't been back to the other one in weeks, so I suspect we're staying here. The good thing is that the green room is mostly just for me and my toys. Mom and Dad didn't put much of anything else in there!
Speaking of toys, I got an Allistairatron! As soon as I figure out what it does, I will use it to do that thing. |
|
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| Even further |
[Apr. 28th, 2008|11:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Crib | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Lost | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ketil Bjornstad's The River | ] |
So... As if being kicked out of Mom's tummy wasn't bad enough, I've now been expelled from my second home TOO!!1!
The Stuff Game kept getting worse and worse, and finally they packed ME up and put me in this other place too. ANOTHER HOME LOST!!1! The new place is ok, I guess... (especially the green room where I can throw all my toys around and no one cares!) but what the obsession with displacing me is I can not imagine. |
|
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| Over-reacting |
[Apr. 18th, 2008|10:55 pm] |
Mom and dad appear to be specialists in the field of freaking out. I was playing with the phone, as usual... (This is one of my rights as a baby, I now know) A bunch of flashy-light cars were apparently speeding towards the house as a result of some whatever thing I did on the phone... (who cares?) and (get this) dad CALLED THEM AND TOLD THEM TO NOT COME WTF??!?!1? Cars with sirens and lights are on their way, and he warns them off?
What a rip-off!
It may be related to the Stuff Game. Recently, they've begun moving literally EVERY SINGLE THING in the house into little boxes. Everything's been moved around. Some of it they're moving to some other place. We visited there tonight so that I could sit in some empty boxes and run around and stuff. Anyway, I think it's driving them crazy.
In other news: Mom cut my hair again, and I hated it with the abiding passion of a thousand lost souls orbiting endlessly about the scenes of their own deaths. Dad helped, so he sucks too. Looks good though!
Also new: I never knew this before, but I discovered that there is a jungle behind the house!! I explored all over and found... stuff. It was cool. |
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| We don't keep our paper... |
[Mar. 23rd, 2008|08:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Kitchen | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Psychadelic Furs: Forever Now | ] |
Well here's a tale from the annals of the Make Up Your Mind society...
One of the many services I am now forced to render for Mom and Dad is the disposal of something they call "Garbage". It's not hard; they hand me something and say "garbage" (about 20 times!), and I walk over and put it in the tall black container.
Fine.
However, about HALF the time one puts something in there, they FREAK out and fish it out again! WTF?!?
The worst was the number paper. From time to time, I manage to find some papers with mostly green and black lines printed on them, and numbers in the corner. I figure I'll do them a favor and get it into the garbage where it belongs, but MAN they don't particularly care for that. They start whining and pull it back out of the garbage container again, making MY job that much harder! >.<
As I said, make up your mind, jeez. |
|
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| Wheels |
[Jan. 24th, 2008|10:32 pm] |
LET'S ROLL! I'm ready. I have this swell new bike and dad and I are ready to do some travelling. I bet I could go almost a MILE on this thing!!
In other news, I've decided to adopt some more adult fashion choices! Note the pigtails! |
|
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| Yet another one |
[Jan. 1st, 2008|11:06 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Livingroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Totoro (Hey let's go!) | ] |
Last night I was still awake at midnight. The reason for this was that I am terribly ill. I'm coughing all the time and when I cough my throat hurts and my chest hurts and everything is bad. Yet another reminder of how much everything sucks out here.
Anyway...
At midnight, I'm told, yet another year began. Well what happened to the old one?? It was a difficult and disappointing year, not to mention foreboding. This year mom started out nursing me 3-5 times a day... by the end of it, sometimes only ONCE! (!) In my first year, I pretty much stayed at home. This year, they not just once but TWICE put me in one of those little round rooms with too many chairs and I ended up in someone else's house somewhere. I started going to the park fairly often, and that was good, but I've begun to realize that the main purpose of the park is to show me all the cool bikes with which I am not allowed to play. I can only imagine how lame an entire additional year will turn out to be.
OTOH, I did get this great bike, but it stays at gramma and grampa's house. :( I learned some neat stuff, like dancing and making phone calls... But still.
Lame.
Maybe this year will be better.
Yeah.
Someone OWES me big time for all this nonsense. |
|
|
| On the subject of synchronization between music and motion |
[Dec. 14th, 2007|09:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Floor | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Kebabträume | ] |
I have developed a wholly new artform!! It's hard to explain, but here goes: Dad makes music play, and I move around in such away that the motions I execute are synchronized with the sounds of the music!
Never mind, just watch this. Better right-click and download. It won't stream, trust me.
WHAT?!?! So I've learned about streaming internet video. It may be age-inappropriate, but at least I'm not smoking! |
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| 2^9 !! |
[Oct. 25th, 2007|02:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | floor | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Baby Kangaroo | ] |
A momentous day! Today I am two-to-the-ninth days old!! Mom got me a 2^9th baloon and I fussed. Good times.
Dad said he's going to be 2^14th on December 5th. What a fossil!! |
|
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| Singing for love |
[Oct. 13th, 2007|04:10 pm] |
I've begun to suspect that in order to get sufficient attention and love in this world, one must possess and display some sort of talent. Great. Like, existing isn't enough I guess. >.<
Pursuant to this, I have decided that graphic arts are too hard and too messy, so I have begun my singing career! Dad seems to have made a buck off it. Maybe if I try very very hard and sing very very well, I might continue to receive love. Maybe. |
|
|
| Fiaso in Minnebrasco |
[Oct. 9th, 2007|03:55 pm] |
WHAT a fiasco. I don't really know what that was all about, but I do know that it sucked beyond belief. Mom and Dad have spent the last four days whisking me off to a nightmarish heat-soaked jungle called "Minnesota", and apparently thought that imprisoning me in a noisy room full of ugly chairs was the best way to do it.
YES! I don't know how, but somehow, they managed to completely change everything by making me sit in this big ugly room crammed full of chairs for about four hours. Meaning, I spent four hours trapped in a tiny, cramped row of chairs with Mom and Dad, and when we were done, instead of driving back home like usual, we drove to some other person's house. I guess gramma Kay lives there, near as I can tell. The toys and stuff were pretty good, but every time we went outside it was hot, wet and gross.
But back to the chair room... First you go to this big ugly building where you stand around with nothing to do for a long time. Mom and Dad change your diaper, probably just because they are bored. Eventually you all walk into this smaller room which is so packed full of chairs that people can hardly move. Everyone squeezes into the chairs and gets bored and unhappy. Whenever I want to stand on the floor, I realize there's not even enough room to stand up straight. When I complain, Mom or Dad pick me up, but that gets old even faster. Suddenly the whole room starts shaking and there is the most horrendous roaring sound in the world. It shakes and roars so much that you can't even think. That only lasts for a while, but the roaring continues at about half-volume for the next few hours, during which, I can tell you, there is nothing to do but fuss and sleep.
Eventually they let you get out again, but by this time you're so tired and disoriented that nothing could possibly make you happy. You get out into a different big building, which is even more ugly, and then another car ride.
Sound like fun???
So we finally ended up at this other house. Here we performed a thorough survey of everything with which I am not allowed to play, and everything I am not allowed to touch. A less stimulating time I have not had since the womb. SPEAKING OF WHICH... At this moment I was briefly hopeful that I was returning to the womb, but it turned out to be just another trick.
Gramma was very nice to me throughout the trip, but, although a few attempts were made to do something worthwhile, like going for a walk in the woods (whee) or this foray onto a causeway on a river, the trip consisted mostly of a series of experiences of the same old crap in a new place. Hmph. |
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| Experiment |
[Sep. 30th, 2007|07:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Kitchen | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  inventive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Pet Shop Boys | ] |
THIS isn't working out as well as I had hoped... I think I need to add some more structural support... |
|
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| The singing dumb-ass |
[Sep. 30th, 2007|11:47 am] |
Dad isn't just weird, he's embarrassing. Today he's been singing this at me ALL DAY:
"You let me diaper-change you...
You let me dress and burp you...
You let me high-chair-feed you...
You let me stroller-push you...
I wanna toss you in the ai-air!"
WTF? |
|
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| A Dickensian Nightmare |
[Sep. 25th, 2007|02:18 pm] |
At least Oliver had his Fagin.
YES! I have been put to the salt mines! Little did I know when I was first rudely thrust upon this travestial stage that I was not only being exiled from my One True Home... (excuse me, I believe I have something... in my... eye...) [~snif!~] but I ALSO was being groomed for RANK EXPLOITATION!!1! "Allistair goes to work", INDEED!
Well.
I have done a bit of research, and I have learned that there are some things in this lame-ass world into which I've been expelled called Child Labor Laws! This was HAZARDOUS work, I might add... Just look at that wheelbarrow! It could have rolled on top of me!
Anyway, as the great Roger Waters said, "All in all, it's just another brick in the wall". Someday... Someday... Someday... DOMINION!!1! |
|
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| The Arts! |
[Sep. 14th, 2007|11:08 am] |
Since I've concluded that I will never be able to communicate using that sound-mouth thing that Mom and Dad do, I've begun to cultivate my abilities in the visual arts! Check out all its majesty!
Now that I've mastered drawing, I will move into painting and music. Soon my eloquence shall cover the world! |
|
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| Transmitting ideas using the power of sound |
[Aug. 1st, 2007|01:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Day Care | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Focused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Some day care crap | ] |
I have embarked on a project of major significance which could, if successful, substantially increase my ability to control others. (By which I mean, "make Mom and Dad give me more stuff") Through careful observation, I have discerned a connection between sounds I make and things they do. Furthermore, I believe that certain sounds, and combinations of sounds, can make them do certain specific things for me!
This power has proven difficult to master. I am still in the research and development phase.
Here you can see my experiements with direct aural outreach to a person (Mom). Here I am privately cataloguing and refining my diverse set of sounds.
I plan to eventually be able to communicate specific demands of such subtlety that I am presented with EXACTLY the service or item I desire. This should go a long way towards mitigating the unending cruelty and ignomy that is this existence outside the womb.
Who knows, perhaps one day I could develop a system of sound-signals so subtle and complex that I could use them just for my enjoyment, or to express my deepest thoughts! |
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| The Very Stuff Of The Universe! |
[Jun. 28th, 2007|06:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | floor | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Inquisitive | ] |
No fair.
I only got about a minute to work with an exciting new material I discovered in the closet. It is a white powder with a powerful, flowery smell. I only had time to taste a little bit before Mom took it away.
What is this strange new material!?! The box looked like this:
http://www.pet-shop.net/assets/images/cw15020.jpg
I suspect that it must be a substance of great import. It is kept locked in the closet, and Mom was frightfully determined to end my investigation. WHAT SECRETS ARE BEING KEPT!??! |
|
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| Beginning to take control... |
[Jun. 11th, 2007|05:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Floor | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Focused | ] |
I am beginning to gain some control of my surroundings. I have noticed that many of the things in my world consist of buttons which make lights go on or off, or change. I have been attempting to master their use, but it has been slow going. Some months ago, I managed to incapacitate a small device with a light-up panel by drooling into it, but recently my aim has been to gain actual useful control of these devices. Just a few days ago, I managed to make a long gray item cease to have any effect on one of the other blinky-light things by pressing "ENTER" and "1" at the same time. Apparently this set the device onto a different code channel, thereby rendering it temporarily useless. Unfortunately, dad figured it out and now it's working again. Well, no matter. The important thing is that there is some order to this universe and my eventual mastery of it is inevitable.
In other news, I have developed the ability to move about on only my FEET! It is something of a time saver, albeit frightfully dangerous. Many bumps have come along with this new ability. |
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| Anno Me |
[May. 31st, 2007|10:24 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Floor | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | resigned | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
Sadly, I stare out the window and sigh. It has been an entire year since I was rudely ejected. I feel I must finally accept certain things:
1. Mom is never going to let me go back home. I have to stay out here... FOREVER
2. Every time I get used to something, it will change.
3. Mom is pretty good.
4. I'm little.
I can't imagine I could get any bigger, but who knows. I'm three times my original size already! Also, if you look at this one-year review, you will note that my appearance is continually changing:
At any rate, it's May 31st again, and things are rather different. I no longer feel the pain of my Original Injustice quite as keenly, although one could describe this as becoming bitter. Ah my lost youth and innocence! |
|
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| Gaining the upper hand |
[May. 15th, 2007|08:48 pm] |
I've come to understand that pretty much everything I do or don't get is mediated through my parents. ("Mom" and "Dad") So far that has primarily meant alternately crying and acting cute to try to indirectly get what I want. The results are totally inadequate! Therefore I have begun to act directly upon them. I'll let you know how this works out. So far I have only been able to get them to cry out in dismay, but I expect improvement. |
|
|
| MUTATED!! |
[May. 1st, 2007|03:54 pm] |
NOW WHAT???
My skin is periodically erupting into big itchy bumps. LOOK AT MY ARM!! My mom keeps touching them (which is really annoying) and saying "Hives".
IS THERE NO END TO THE TORMENTS TO WHICH I MUST BE SUBJECTED?!?1?!!?
Ever since I got kicked out of my house, (almost a YEAR ago now!) it has been a non-stop cavalcade of suffering and ignomy. I don't see other people having to crawl around on the floor and suffer like this. Well, I suppose I'm stuck being this size and I'll just have to deal with not being able to feed myself. Given the source of some of my food, it's not so bad, I guess. |
|
|
| ABANDONED!! |
[Apr. 13th, 2007|09:16 pm] |
ABANDONED!!
I notice that Dad hasn't been around for a while; now I learn he has gone to "the other side of the world", whatever that means. It seems to mean that he's never here anymore. People keep saying the word "Australia". Little do they know I can understand! Of course, I don't know what "Australia" is... But I can hear it!!
I expect Mom will go next, and I'll have to change my own diapers.
That will suck. |
|
|
| School is not cool |
[Apr. 1st, 2007|03:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Crib | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Deeply betrayed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | States - West Virginia | ] |
Great, now they BOTH go to work, and sometimes I don't even go to gramma's house anymore: I go to some dumb place called school. Well, "day care", I guess, but there are these weird women around who talk funny and make me play clapping games with other kids. (Luckily for me, I "don't know how to" clap yet. Ha!)
I see a trend. First I get kicked out of my original home, (you know the good one), then I start having to hang around at gramma's house, now at some random "school" place... I know what's next. Out on the street left to fend for myself! ... i bet...
Well that's fine! I can stand up all by myself now. What else would I need to make my way in the world? Do your worst. |
|
|
| Escape |
[Feb. 24th, 2007|01:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Gramma's lap | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | rebellious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | non | ] |
YES!
Bili-blankets, goop-"food", milk-less women, cat-monsters... I'm THROUGH! I have an escape plan!
All I need to do is figure out how to operate the garage door and I'm on my way.
They'll be shown! |
|
|
| Science!! |
[Feb. 18th, 2007|08:07 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | floor | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Fixated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Are 'Friends' Electric?" | ] |
As you can see in these pictures:
VIEW
MY
DIABOLICAL
SKILLZ
I am endeavouring to construct a device which will protect me from all annoying and vexing influences forever!
I'll let you know how it turns out. |
|
|
| Something's wrong with my mouth! |
[Feb. 10th, 2007|11:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Crib | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | vexed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Roger Eno | ] |
Dammit. What now??
My mouth was hurting more and more, and now there's this hard THING jammed into my lower gum. How do I get it out? It's white and Mom keeps trying to touch it!
I hope my body stops changing soon. It's too much to take. |
|
|
| Awwwww-toMOtion, baby!! |
[Feb. 1st, 2007|11:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | walker | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Exultant | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Out-of-tune Mozart cube | ] |
It is with great and breathless excitement that I finally reveal to you my secret project of the last two months: PROJECT CREEP!
I noticed some time ago, that by thrashing about, I would end up somewhere slightly different from where I had been. I reasoned that if I were to plan out a particular pattern of motions, I could actually move my body to a location of MY choosing, for a change.
After much wriggling, writhing, squirming and fidgeting, I believe I have finally mastered the process! I am now able to actually get to where I want to go! (Provided there is nothing in the way, that the destination is on the floor, and that no one stops me)
Next: Out the door!!! |
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| On the Modality of Discs |
[Jan. 23rd, 2007|05:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Floor walker | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Inquisitive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
Apparently different discs contain not only different things, but different TYPES of things. Next to the movies there is another group of items on discs, (I know because I find discs when I open their cases for tasting) but these discs are for making music, rather than movies.
My favourite cds today seem to be Ultravox's "Lament" (tart), Wumpscut's "Born Again" (tangy), and They Might Be Giants' "Apollo 18" (savory yet fresh). I also liked VNV Nation's "Matter+Form", which I've chewed on 3 times today. It tasted mostly of dust, but the colors were nice.
HERE you can see my music perusal space.
I can scoot all over the apartment now, so I'll have to check out what's in the drawer with the skull-and-crossbones on it next. |
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| A Life In The Cinema! |
[Jan. 20th, 2007|01:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Walker | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Industrious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | None | ] |
I have been introduced to the fascinating world of cinema! Sure, I've seen stuff on the video monitor before, but that was baby stuff. I'm ready to be a film critic now! Here I go:
- Wings Of Desire: This cinematic treat tastes slightly of cat litter, but had a wonderfully smooth outer plastic covering which was gentle on my gums. 9.1!
- Zelig: This murky masterpiece was covered in dust, which I found to be in very poor taste. 2.0.
- Yellow Submarine: Bright colors abound in this cartoon masterpiece! The case on this VHS is so old that the paper is nice and soft. It yielded easily to only a few minutes of slobbering. An oldie but a goodie! 8.4!
- Zardoz: This crisp new DVD case gave me a crisp new sharp-plastic cut on my gums. BAD! 1.1.
Welp, four is about as many as I can get off the shelf before mom and dad put them back. I'll review more when I can reach up to the next shelf, so there will be titles that don't start with just 'W', 'Y' and 'Z'! |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2006|09:03 pm] |
WTF is UP with this MUSH FOOD?? Dammit...
I have been getting more and more goo, and less and less boob!
I mean, seriously, which would YOU rather have??
THIS
... or ...
THIS?!?!
I think the choice is pretty obvious.
So everyone, please... PLEASE... write my mother and ask her to give me more boob, less goop!! |
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| Latchkeyed!! |
[Dec. 18th, 2006|11:16 pm] |
So things have taken a turn for the worse, if you can believe that. "Dad" basically just leaves now. He gets up (several hours later than me, of course, then LEAVES... and doesn't come back until NIGHT. They call it "work". FEH. I suppose Mom's next. I'd better learn how to open that thing where all the food is kept.
Oh, and then, THEN!... he gets really SICK and then Mom and I get sick and it all sucks. Just LOOK AT ME!!! How much can one baby endure?!?1!
On the plus side, I got this sweet new walker. |
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| Consumption |
[Nov. 28th, 2006|10:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Crib | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | Meloncholy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Roger Eno | ] |
My food is now orange. Why? It's mealy and it gets all over everything.
I am noticing a trend: First I am removed from mom's womb. (My rightful home!!) Then I am encouraged to eat stuff that doesn't even come from her body. Once, a few days ago, she left the house and didn't even take me with her. I know this sounds crazy, but I'm thinking... if this trend continues, someday she'll make me live in some totally other house. Like, where she doesn't even live. I mean, like, where I live there, and she doesn't... Sigh. Ok, now this has made me cry.
Nah, it couldn't happen. |
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allistairagator's journal
Determined
Freaked Out
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